Family Constellations

A family constellation is a powerful method used to uncover and heal hidden dynamics within family systems. During a family constellation, participants are asked to be representatives for various members of the questioner's family, including the questioner himself. These representatives are asked to intuitively take a place in the room, forming a "constellation" of the family.

In a mysterious way, the system opens up and the lined-up representatives gain access to the experiences and relationships of the original persons or themes. Thus, entanglements and dynamics within the family system become visible and palpable. Often deep-seated emotions, unprocessed traumas or underlying loyalties are discovered that affect well-being and relationships within the family.

The constellation facilitator facilitates the process by asking questions and guiding participants to explore their feelings .

In the next phase of the constellation, solutions are sought by changing members' positions and using clarifying and liberating phrases.

By respecting systemic laws, much clarity can emerge. A constellation can deeply affect feelings, actions in the world, health and well-being. Through constellations, we can bring these dynamics to light and often actually change them.

During a constellation, group members are asked to be representatives for various people or themes relevant to the client.

The constellator asks the representatives (including a representative for the client himself) to intuitively take their place in the room.

In mysterious ways, the system opens up and the lined-up representatives gain access to the experiences and relationships of the original persons or themes. As a result, entanglements and dynamics become visible and palpable.

In the next phase, solutions are sought by changing members' positions and using clarifying and liberating statements. It is of importance that the position and destiny of everyone in the system be recognized and respected.

Participation in constellations of others can also be a profound experience that can offer insight into one's own functioning and/or family system.

No, In a family constellation, you work in a group of people you usually don't know.

Everyone present can be invited to be a representative, a substitute for the family members needed during a constellation. So your own family members are not needed. In fact, if your family members would be present anyway, they will be asked not to participate in the constellation.

It is important that the representatives know as little as possible about you and your family, so that they can better allow the feeling.

If a particular theme recurs repeatedly in your life and you have already tried various approaches without success, a constellation can offer valuable insights.

It can free you from obstructive patterns, both in your personal life and professionally. It helps you establish a healthy connection with your parents, children or other family members. It can also give you insight into family conflicts and how to deal with them constructively.

My teacher, from whom I learned the constellation profession, once shared that, of all the constellations he has participated in as a participant over the years, the ones in which he stood as a representative have proven to be the most valuable for himself.

And I do recognize that. It is often thought that you are present as a representative to facilitate the constellation for the questioner. And while this is of course true, it is certainly not the whole story. You also come for yourself, it gives you so much! In this post I will give you 5 reasons to attend a constellation as a representative.

#1 Safe introduction

Maybe you're the type who dives head first into a new experience and immediately wants to bring in a question of your own. But although I know that part myself, I still enjoyed experiencing my first constellation as a representative. As a representative you get the chance to see up close how a constellation works and how dynamics within family systems show themselves in this work. Participating as a representative also means that you might be chosen to represent a certain role within the family system of the person asking the question. However, you are free to refuse without giving reasons if that role does not feel right for you at that moment.

#2 Get new personal insights.

Experience shows that you are never "just asked" for the position you will be standing for. Often pieces are touched that also play out in your own background. In a constellation you get a unique opportunity to experience someone else's position. Often this brings insight, softening or a broadening of your perspective in issues that are at play in your own life.

#3 Learn to trust your gut

What drafting has taught me most of all is to learn to trust my feelings. Not to know but to feel. I used to doubt this a lot and I see the same in many men and women around me. Can I really feel? Is what I am feeling right? Should I be allowed to feel this? Did I make this up or is it something I feel? There is a big difference between thinking something up and feeling something and in a constellation the difference between feeling and thinking becomes immediately clear (and if that is not clear to you, I will help you with that). If you often participate in constellations as a representative, you develop your ability to follow your feelings. So incredible for yourself and the people you are connected to.

#4 Learn to enjoy the wonderful simplicity of feeling

In my first times as a representative, I could still find it confusing at times. If there were intense feelings of love, sadness or regret in a constellation. Were those feelings mine? Should I do something with them? Gradually I came to appreciate it enormously. The full palette of feelings including those feelings we might normally prefer not to experience. Because it is not my story, it just flows through me. More and more with this I am able to allow this to flow into my own life as well. In that sense, it can be like sympathizing with a great movie. Moving, tears, laughter. Experiencing the flow of life.

#5 Free

Okay. A lot less deep and philosophical than the other reasons but still a bridge from the last point. Attending a constellation is completely free for representatives. So cheaper than a cinema ticket and many times more life-like than IMAX :-)

The uniqueness of family constellations is that representatives do not need to know or be able to do anything special. In fact, it often works better if they know less. When you are invited to take a place in the room as a representative, you are guided, so to speak. This can be hard to imagine if you haven't experienced this before, but that's what happens. You are led to a specific spot (or you keep moving) and simply name what you perceive in that moment, without adding anything yourself. You simply share what comes to mind in that moment. And if there's nothing there, that's fine too. That simply means that no information is available in that moment.

The drafter guides the whole process, so you can let go of any thoughts about "what or how you should do."

While representing, you may experience various physical and emotional sensations, such as being nailed to the ground, wobbling, heat or cold, or various emotions such as sadness, anger or fear. You may even suddenly know something about another representative or the family system that you could not have known before. So you experience both physically and mentally.

It is important to understand that anyone can do this and that it is not dangerous. Even though you may experience a lot while representing, once you "step out of the constellation," it is over. Any remaining feelings are often related to your own themes. You can always rely on careful guidance from the constellation facilitator, and I am available to answer any questions you may have after the constellation.

Although the exact mechanism behind the effect of family constellations is not yet fully understood, important founders such as Virginia Satir (1916-1988) and Bert Hellinger (1925-2019) have discovered how powerful and effective they can be. My own experiences have confirmed this time and again.